I was curled up on myself, and there was that freezing, haunting cold that bites you and robs you of yourself. Snow covered everything, things, the landscape, made the world inaccessible in the rumbling of the wind. The world I had hated so much. Was he going to kill me? Was he giving me the change of my coin as at this moment he was piercing my body, my clothes, trampling my soul? Shall I die here, in these superb threats of the mountain? Only ? Everest, finally. The top of the world. I had reached it, but I was going to die. Yet my heart is full of this little being. It is full of Little Star.
I had spent long months in silence. An implacable silence. And then I remembered Everest. I understood that if I didn’t go there, that if I didn’t reach the top, I would never be at peace. An oath is an oath. No matter how insane they are, they are lifesaving. I had climbed these slopes for months, and finally so close to the goal, the party had turned back. The conditions were too bad. It was suicidal to continue. Everything in me expressed refusal. I had to continue. So I pulled away, drew on my last strength and ran through the storm, until the frost completely covered me.
Under the layer of snow I saw those eyes again, those of Little Star who, worried, asked me what to do if, when she was in the sky, from the ground I could not see her. “I will climb the highest mountain” I replied. My child with such a weak body, in the hospital bed, so pale, like the mountain that surrounded me, everywhere, and then his laughter came back to me. This is what brought me back to life. I got up. She was smiling so much imagining me high up, almost against her, being able to hug her. She was laughing, and I was guided by the burst of her joy. I knew I had to keep going, without stopping, because to stop would have been lying. I don’t remember how long I walked. A few seconds, or long centuries of torpor. I looked up in the pallor of dawn. He was there. The summit, the promise. The infinity of the sky. Its untouchable immensities. I gazed at the world. So the sun. It dimly illuminates the top of the ice, then bursts suddenly. I remain silent in the face of this manifestation of the sublime. Of a strange force, unalterable, so powerful, so clear, so wonderful that even the term “grandiose” cannot describe. The calm of the summit and the barely perceptible blast of the wind embrace me. All the immensity of the sky throws itself downwards with violence, as if to prove that it is not necessarily because things fall that they die. Oh, there is so much to learn from this world and all of these things. Then I look up at the cloudless azure as if to challenge it. I take a deep breath.